Dealing With Infidelity
When you are dealing with infidelity you have to bear in mind that there will be an excuse and there will be a reason, and these are very different animals. The most likely excuse will be along the lines of “I was drunk” but the reason will be something that is less obvious.You need to discover what the reason is and find out how to deal with it.
What is infidelity?
One infidelity definition is
any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship. But to put it succinctly it is the quality of being unfaithful. To most people that would mean being unfaithful in the sexual sense.
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Dealing with Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the biggest causes of relationship breakups. It is a breach of trust .When someone is unfaithful, the other person almost always feel like “I can never trust him/her again. Trust is crucial in a close, intimate, loving relationship.. When it is shattered, we feel like there is no hope for getting it back. Even if we loved much about our partner, if they cheated on us, we don’t see how we could ever be happy again with them, how could we trust them after such disloyalty.
Learning to trust again is one of the biggest issues in dealing with infidelity. You or your partner have to ask the question “Can I trust you again” Will you or your partner simply do it again? Why should you start again if the behaviour is likely to be repeated? This issue of broken trust is one of the most difficult to get over when coping with infidelity. Often a partner can get over non communication or constant fighting but the feeling of broken trust is one of the most difficult ones to get over and one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with infidelity.
This is because broken trust is a betrayal. It creates emotional distance and alters previous closeness. This has to be dealt with if your relationship is to survive the affair,if you are to have any chance of getting back together again. If the other partner cannot deal with the feeling of disloyalty and breach of trust then it is unlikely that you will be able to get back together.Even if the relationship is given another chance,it can only last if there is trust.
Surviving an Affair
How can you resolve infidelity? Normally, when there is a breakdown, we try to avoid blame. “I was drunk” or even worse blaming the other partner “You were cold to me It is natural to try and avoid blame.Trying to make excuses wont wash and if you and your partner are to have any chance of dealing with infidelity the first thing to do is the offending partner has to accept the blame and accept responsibility. There has to be some communication like “ I cheated on you.I know I broke the trust. I know I hurt you ,but I am very sorry if I made you feel like you cant trust me anymore….”
This is a formidable way to start to repair the trust. If you were cheated on it can start to help you deal with the infidelity,particularly if it comes at an early stage before excuses are made. Rather than winding up the situation to boiling point, owning up to it can help to dissipate the tension.There are several other steps that you will need to learn in dealing with infidelity but owning up is a good start.
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